InsaneJournal

Current mood:	apathetic
Current music:	Parabelle 'A Drop in the Ocean'
Entry tags:	graham, perky, sienna, work

Eh..
Wow, it doesn't seem like I'd been dealing with Perk's issues since May.. Well, we're still working on that. Today she had a test for Cushing's. I should hear on Fridayish whether she has it or not. If not, the vet's next guess is diabetes insipidus, which is essentially "water" diabetes instead of "sugar" diabetes. I'd just be happy at this point to know what's going on. Graham finally got neutered today. Sienna died unexpectedly on the.. 4th? I don't know what happened, she was only three. I miss hearing her squeal at me every night.

Um. I am still training as a groomer. I just got a raise. It'll be awhile before I can work on commission because, well, at this point I'd be rather poor doing that. Not that I make an impressive amount of money right now, but I'm not looking to get rich here. I only wish I had enough to get an apartment or something. Maybe I could manage it if I had a roommate, but I just couldn't stand living with some random stranger, and I don't have any real friends in the area.

I feel like I've just.. stagnated in my life. I dunno. I think I could be content enough, if I could just get back the ability to feel. I feel damn near robotic sometimes anymore. My focus is shot. My emotional level is very flat. "Happy" is just a brief lift in that flat line, "sad" a brief dip. Nothing truly grips me any more, nothing stirs a passion in me. It makes it rather difficult to do anything, and I know doing nothing isn't helping my problem at all. But how do you convince yourself to go out and have "fun", when you know it won't feel fun?

All of this drove away Zell, I guess. She stopped talking to me some time ago, and has never tried to talk to me since. And I haven't tried to talk to her, because well, she really hurt my feelings, and gave me no indication that she wanted to save the friendship. I still wonder how she is, though. I can't see being welcome to drop in and ask, though. I just hope things have improved for her.

I don't know what I'd be doing if I hadn't found Eve. She is always here for me, offers so much support, someone manages to make me feel a little past this drowning numbness..